In Synch

It was a surprise that it felt so natural to be back in the office and taking care of patients, almost as if I had never left. The year passed quickly and little has changed in the lives of my patients, who come in and start where they left off a year ago. It is reassuring and I feel that all will go well in the practice. What is difficult is that I do not want to work at all. There is too much to do and see and learn and be out there in the world and I feel that I am missing it. I have worked all my life, since I was 13 or so with few breaks. Perhaps it is time to move in another direction, and Ecuador gave me that opportunity, gave me a chance to explore an alternative life, which suited me well and I relaxed and enjoyed myself and wanted more. Being home is truly getting back to the treadmill.

I am certainly questioning the choices I made in my life. My mother and sisters elected lives at home caring for men and families and they have chosen very comfortable lives. I pursued a profession that is truly a vocation, worked hard in school and for years afterward and until last year was unable to 'pause and smell the roses', but now that I have, I realize all that I have missed, and I want to spend more time appreciating my life. Unfortunately, to survive our lives here, I have to devote my energies to my work. So be it.

I wish I enjoyed my home, but it is a bit of a nightmare now, and not welcoming or enjoyable. I cannot fathom staying in the house all weekend and am trying to plan a couple of days away. Both Maya's friends and mine are out of town, and being here alone is not viable, except that we have Elmer and have to take care of him, (I almost forgot). I feel safer with him in the house, but he is solitary all day and misses us. But we may have to go SOMEWHERE for life to be tolerable. I truly spent all my time when living in Baltimore trying to get away, and succeeded most of the time, and I suppose I will get back to that habit again, much to the dismay of my husband who prefers to stay home. Back to my old life.