No Board Meeting

Mondays usually mean board meetings, which are relatively new to me and often challenging. I have missed a few, first while I was traveling in Ecuador, and since my return, somehow snowstorms and holiday Mondays have eclipsed scheduled meetings. The organization is becoming a nonprofit, and the members are all incredibly hardworking and focussed (except for me, I dibble and dabble). I was determined not to miss the meeting tonight and made sure to be available. I received a text and email an hour before to cancel the event, and so suddenly I had an hour and a half free. I moved my billing office to my home, so I could only file and organize in my office, so I went for a short shopping spree at Nordstrom's

I rarely shop. Usually I run in and out a discount store in less that an hour, pulling things off the shelves and relieved to be done and on my way. Browsing is painful to me, and the prices at Nordstrom's were shocking and painful. I descended deep into the basement and picked up a couple of shoes for the spring. Shoes are easy, and I can never have too many shoes. I bought red shoes for spring, and if the weather is right, I will wear them tomorrow.

We woke up with mist covering everything, and it took all morning for the mist to lift, and it felt wet all day. I noticed that the snow is gone, and winter is over in Baltimore.

Academy Awards....

I have seen almost every film nominated, which I do every year, and am always prepared with my favourites at this time of year. I wanted to watch the Academy Awards last year (DVD's are out on the streets the day of release in Quito, so I did in fact see EVERY movie last year too), but in Quito there was no way to find the show on television or computer, so I made sure that I was home and available today for the five hour marathon. The show started with the announcement that it would be only ninety minutes long, but with the three hours of 'red carpet' coverage, along with the four hour show, it was not over until midnight, and I watched it all. I had my billing materials from the office all over the bed in front of me to pour through and I did get work done too--- thankfully.

The presenters were horrible and the winners predictable, but it was exciting to watch the actors receiving their awards. I remember how distressed I was last year when I insisted that Eric find the live-stream on my computer in our apartment in Quito, and so disappointed when his efforts were futile. I learned the next morning who the winners were, and that was entirely satisfactory. I wonder why movies are so exciting to me, why I still enjoy them so much and watch almost every well reviewed movie there is. Tara is studying film at McGill, which makes perfect sense to me, having dragged her to hundreds of movies over the years.

I took Maya and her friends Belina and Emily to the mall to shop today. I found it tiresome, but the girls were excited. 'Justice' is the 'in' clothes store, we stopped at Godiva for chocolate samples, spent over an hour in the 'Build a Bear' store to find clothes for the bears we bought some weeks ago, and even more time in 'Bath and Body Works' for creams and potions for Maya's 'spa'. I so rarely shop, and only ever go to the mall with a purpose and a tight deadline, so this was a stretch for me. I was so relieved when the girls were too tired to go on, and was thankful to get home to read my 'New York Times' and finish the crossword puzzle in record time, and all ready for the awards show when it came on.

Romeo et Juliette

I signed up for an advanced Spanish conversation class, in an effort to get back on track with my Spanish. I am worried about forgetting all that I learned last year and wish to keep up. I could not bear grammar classes, so I thought this would be better for me. It turned out that most of the students were far ahead of me, and had studied many more years. I was worried that it was too challenging for me, but I stayed and I made an effort to participate, and when I asked the teacher whether I should stay she was very reassuring. The class runs every Saturday from 10 to noon, so I had more than enough time to get Maya up and over to Peabody for her 'Performance Academy' day, linger over a coffee, and look for my book at the Johns Hopkins bookstore. It turned out that I needed to order the book, and in class the professor anticipated this problem and had photocopied the chapter of the day. The reading was tough to understand, and I will have to work hard in the class, but it was exciting to be speaking Spanish again, and I look forward to next week.

One of the students in the class was an opera singer and invited me to see 'Romeo and Juliette' in a church in Bolton Hill, a neighbourhood near the art school downtown. Since the local opera company went bankrupt three years ago (I had seasons tickets and lost hundreds of dollars when the season was canceled) several small opera companies have started up. There are so many talented opera singers graduating from Peabody, and many want to stay in Baltimore and sing. The opera is gorgeous, and the singing was awesome. The church setting was appropriate, but the props and the sets were rather lame, and I preferred to close my eyes. Romeo was huge, in contrast to a sleek young Juliette. I loved the music. Poor Eric does not appreciate opera and sat painfullly through the three hour marathon. He was looking forward to dinner at "Teatro Tapas'. When we arrived at the restaurant, we were told the wait was 40 minutes, and we were trying unsuccessfully to find an alternate choice, a table became available and we enjoyed our favourite dishes with a jug of sangria. It is so rare that we have a night off from Maya (she slept over at Emily's house for the night), so it was crucial to take advantage of the evening.

Gnomio and Juliet

My day was not as relaxing as I like my Fridays to be. I scheduled several patients who had missed their appointments earlier in the week due to snow or other obstacles, but was still able to get to a 90 minute yoga class at the start of the day.

Eric met Maya and me at the movie theatre to watch 'Gnomio and Juliet', a British film about gnomes playing the roles of the Capulets and the Montagues. Eric hated the movie, but Maya was delighted, and I was not particularly offended. I was surprised at the good reviews on NPR. Most of the voices belonged to famous actors, which was interesting, because the movie was not all that impressive.

Fridays are yoga days and movie days. I am still trying to figure out how to organize my free days. I want there to be some order to them; I am afraid that if I do not plan anything, I will end up doing nothing and feel frustrated about missing the one relaxed day I have all week.

Planning and Organizing

I have been checking and checking flights day after day. Eric is giving a talk in Munich in May, and has asked Maya and me to accompany him for a week around Maya's spring break. He called his usual travel agent last week, but her prices were no better than those I had found, and she added a booking fee to the total, so I assured him I could do better. I checked prices when we arrived in New York, and they were remarkably good, but Eric and I were too tired to do anything, so I decided to check again when I arrived home. Of course the prices were hundreds of dollars more!!! I panicked and almost decided to forgo the trip altogether, but kept checking and checking. Suddenly a better price appeared, not as good as the price I found in New York, but definitely better than I had seen over the past few days. I was worried that I would lose it and bought a ticket for Maya and myself. Eric will have his trip paid for, so he could spend whatever on it....and did in fact get on the same flight to Munich (but is returning a few days later than Maya and I). Whew!!!!! I spend an inordinate amount of time looking up prices and hemming and hawing about which flight to take. It is such a relief to make a decision. Only after I purchased the ticket did I start looking at flights to Edmonton to see my parents, which were about the price of the flights to Munich, and to Hawaii for my annual psychiatry meeting, again the same price as Munich tickets. I realize that I did better than expected! The prices are getting higher and higher, probably because of the Mid East unrest and the threat to oil production and distribution.

Suddenly the next few months appear full of activity, which is fine because I like to be moving constantly and staying home for weeks on end gets me restless and ready to go. Maya and I go for a short ski trip to Salt Lake in three weeks (I used frequent flyer miles for the trip and the ski resort tickets are already paid for and I stay with friends so it is totally affordable) and then I fly to Montreal to see Tara's play (which she is directing). The next weekend is devoted to a meeting in Scottsdale (eating disorders). I want to fly to Edmonton to see my parents for my mother's birthday, but the cost is outrageous and I want to bring Maya with me. We fly to Munich at the end of April and my Hawaii trip is mid May. Eric is in Cape Cod in June/early July so we will be visiting him weekends for that, and I was hoping to travel to Italy in July, but the prices are again out of this world, so I will be searching and searching some more over the next few weeks.

These travel plans all make me very happy. The more I more, the more I see, the more adventure I have, the happier I am.....so this is all good, albeit the planning and organizing is often painful....

Contemporary Art

I do not appreciate modern art. I puzzle when I stop in front of a canvas painted past 1910, I try to see something significant and I fail every time. Eric is much more savvy, or at least more appreciative. When we visit the National Gallery, he much prefers the new wing, and would rather spend time there. I am pulled to the 15-19 centuries every time.

I decided to take a Contemporary art class at Johns Hopkins. The 'Oddysey Program offers non credit classes of all sorts. I have taken Spanish classes and history classes in the past. I was actually trying to sign up for a Digital Photography class Tuesday nights, but it was full, so Contemporary Art was a second choice, but I am excited about learning more about modern art.

Our professor is a retired Neurosurgeon, who writes poetry and has been involved with the board of the Contemporary Art Museum in Baltimore (which I have never had any interest in visiting). He has a great contemporary art collection in his home and is very enthusiastic about the topic. I arrived late for the class, perhaps only by eight minutes, but I had clearly missed a significant part of his lecture. He was reviewing the movements in art leading up to the end of the 19th century, so I arrived just as the 20th century began. The pace of his talk was relentless, and I can almost say that by the end of the two hours, I could find some tiny bit of wonder at some of the 'abstract expressionists', perhaps a small bit of understanding. Clearly these artists were well trained and had something to communicate. I am now very eager to return to the MOMA and the Whitney and see if this feeling holds. Back to New York as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Snow Falling In Baltimore

Too much to do in New York City!

Annapolis Symphony

Biutiful

Parking Tickets

Inner and Outer Loops

Valentine's Day

V

Obligation and Romance

Party Party

Playing Hooky

Fridays are supposed to be my day off during the week, when I make time to indulge myself in all sorts of ways, but I never quite manage to rest and relax. I booked a patient in the middle of the day, so after driving Maya to school and taking a morning pilates class, I rushed home to dress and then speed over to the office. I have moved much of my paperwork and billing work to my home office, so all I have in the outside office is patient files and a desk. I could have filed or organized charts and sent off requests for patient charts, but I could not get interested in paperwork. I found myself checking the news from Egypt and playing with my reconditioned laptop and wishing that I truly had all the day off. When my patient did not show up, I was at a loss. I had a couple hours before I was to pick Maya up, I did not feel like filing or shopping or going back to the gym.....

My office is around the corner from a Cinema complex, and so I indulged myself in an afternoon movie, something I cannot remember doing, especially not on a week day and all by myself. I walked a block in the sunshine, and took the escalator to the ticket office. None of the movies were too interesting to me, so I chose the one that started most immediately. I was the only person in the theatre for a few minutes, and for a time I felt vulnerable and unsafe. Two single black men came in and sat far away form me, one to the left and the other to the right ahead of me. There were many previews, and often the previews reflect the tenor of the feature movie, and most of them were interesting and not too scary, so I relaxed a bit.

The film was about aRoman soldier in Britain, trying to find out what happened to his father when the latter disappeared with the Roman 'eagle' in the northern reaches of the island. I found myself thoroughly enjoying the movie, except that when there was violent fighting I closed my eyes and through the sounds could easily follow the action. When I walked out of the theatre in the sunshine, I felt a little guilty for doing something so mindless on a Friday afternoon.

I was late picking Maya up, but not too late to get her to her ballet lesson on time and to make it to a yoga class near my office ( I am truly addicted to yoga, and go almost daily!) We met Eric for dinner at 'Cafe Spice' for chicken tikka masala and chicken vindaloo and lamb chops. We discussed making choices. Do we buy a new dishwasher (ours does noo work and we are washing by hand, which is not so bad) or do we invest in a game like Wii or Kinect. Eric has been pushing for a Kinect, which is an interactive TV/Video game, and was eager to check it out, so he went off to Best Buy to play, while Maya and I went home to practice violin and get ready for bed. I have a huge party at my house tomorrow, so I have much to get organized. The house looks good. I had ERic empty out the sunroom, so suddenly I have so much more space and have to decide what furniture to put in it. Eric will be at the storage unit tomorrow making those decisions. I think he would rather throw everything away and live the more simple life we have now, but I miss my 'things' but am not sure what I have in the storage unit anyway.

Why We Love

Helen Fisher, an anthropologist who writes about humans and love, was giving a talk at the Maryland Science Center, so after picking up Maya and having a yoga class together, I dropped her off at home with Eric while I made a mad dash across town to the Inner Harbour, was relieved to have enough quarters for the parking meter, and rushed into the Imax theater where the event was just starting. After reading several of her books, it felt good to see her in person. She spoke well, and was interesting. Eric would have hated her lecture because to him nothing she says is scientific enough or provable and he laughs at her conclusions.

I guess I was intrigued by her comments because I do wonder why Eric and I are together and why we love each other. We are so different in so many ways and have entirely opposing views on almost everything. How is it that we stay a couple, almost twelve years now!!!!

She proposed that sex is testosterone based, that romantic love was dopamine/norepinephein/serotonin based and that attachment/sustained love was modulated by vasopressin/oxytocin. She is using MRI's to look at brains in love and finds that the 'ventral tegmental area' lights up in love addled brains. She went on to talk about four types of people and went through all their characteristics and suggested that certain types did better with their like types or their opposites. She works with Match.com and does her surveys and gets her subjects form that population. I am not sure I learned more about why Eric and I love each other or why we are still together after all these years, but I enjoyed the lecture. Eric laughed when I tried to explain what I learned. I had taken notes on my iphone, and laboriously went through all the details I had recorded, but he was not impressed. Perhaps it was because he spent the evening moving boxes from the sunroom to the downstairs, so that we could expand the usable space in the house. I was happy with his progress, but he was sore and tired.

Office Politics

I am struggling with my coworker/landlord and am trying to placate her and the other renters and am feeling rather defeated after a day of disagreements. I just want peace and minimal change, and of course that is not what is happening. I have decided to let go of the $250,000 embezzlement drama of my former office (the woman has never been punished) and the role of the administrator in taking even more of my money when I gave up and left the place in the year before I left for Ecuador. I went to a lawyer, who was pleased to take the case but wanted $450 an hour for his services, so I gave up trying to find justice.

I left my former employment to join Sharon, and initially there was just the two of us, and everything went smoothly. I let her make the decisions and take the responsibilities and I was happy. While I was gone there were all sorts of changes and now there are seven clinicians in the office and there is need for more organization and I need to step up and help get things moving. I am clashing daily with Sharon and wondering why it is that I find myself in this place again when I wanted so desperately to be away from office politics.

It is always good to come home and talk to Eric, who is very dispassionate and logical about the problems at the office and always has a reasonable solution and I felt better afterward, but still slept poorly and dreaded returning to work the next day.

One Hundred Roses

I came home to find one hundred roses distributed amongst five vases on my kitchen counter. I called Eric for an explanation, and he reminded me that it was Valentine's Day. Of course I pointed out that Valentine's Day was six days away, but I was told that I could enjoy the red fragrant roses for the week before and on Valentine's Day. He had ordered them directly from the rose plantation we had visited during our drive to Otavalo with the students. One hundred roses, direct from Ecuador. They were gorgeous, and I took the time to bring vases to the dining and living room, my study and bedroom. The roses bring joy and brightness and perfume to each part of the house and I will appreciate them daily.

I had visited the house to pick up my computer. I had bought a new hard drive from Best Buy on the weekend at a cost of approximately $73. Eric had installed it into my ruined laptop, transferred my back up from the external hard drive, and now I have my laptop back, dinged and dented, but perfectly functional. It looks beautiful, and I am reminded how much I have missed it, and now I have my spectacular iMac desktop and my renewed laptop and my iphone, and I am back to being on track technologically. I have been off kilter for weeks, and now I am so very relieved to be connected at home and at work and on the road. Whew!

My week continued to be a little slow. I leave the office early on Tuesdays to pick Maya up and drive her to her violin lesson, stopping at Dunkin Donuts for a few munchkins as a snack. I sit in with Maya during her lesson, and then leave her at Peabody while I return to the office to see a few patients. She takes a contemporary dance class at 5. When I picked her up after class, we met with Eric at the Baltimore Museum of Art for dinner (yummy crabcakes!) before I had to rush back to the office for a board meeting. There is an event this coming weekend, and I have offered my house for the Saturday night party, and am involved in introducing speakers at the event Sunday, so the meeting tonight was directed to discussing necessary preparations. I always wonder why I volunteer for this organization, because there are all sorts of proposed changes that may affect my practice negatively; I recuse myself from decisions that are in conflict with my practice, but am privy to the impacts on my lease and office space. I have arranged another meeting with the other lessees that I share the space with, when we will discuss the proposed changes in our lease. I feel as if I am running in circles sometimes, and am living my life in an unnecessarily complicated manner.

Rejection Day

There are all sorts of reasons why patients choose to leave a psychiatrist. They may move, or change their hours and want to see someone closer to home or later in the evening, or they may simply not connect with me. Nevertheless, it still feels like a rejection when they announce their departure. I called several patients about missed appointments, and later learned that one had chosen another psychiatrist (I never connected with the mother of the adolescent), and the other had started another job and chose a doctor who could see him late in the evening. I felt sad and rejected, and had too many hours in the day to contemplate the rejection.

My morning was eclipsed by a doctor's appointment, where I received bad news and had to arrange for further appointments and surgery in a few weeks. I called Eric and his reaction was to get a second opinion, which feels like so much work and effort. I was 'off' for the rest of the day, had a light schedule including a lunch with Deb and Barbara at 7 West down the street, and several missed and canceled appointments. My office gets very clean and organized after days like today, which is not all bad. I threw myself into a 90 minute yoga class for the evening, which felt wonderful. I did not realize until I got to my car that my mascara had smeared down my cheeks and I looked frightful. How embarrassing!

I picked Maya up from her ballet class and Eric had dinner ready for us when we arrived home. Maya is struggling at night with all sorts of terrors and is unable to sleep in her room upstairs and joined us in our big bed for the night. I watched the rest of 'Never Let Me Go', which saddened me even more. By bedtime, I felt entirely defeated, and could not sleep. Eric and I stayed up past 1 in the morning doing the New York Times crossword puzzle for entertainment. I am not sure why that soothes me, but it works. Eric and I are squeezed onto one half of the bed, with Maya spread out comfortably on the other half. Lots of togetherness int eh Richter-Fortune household tonight.

Superbowl Sunday

I had suggested a party at my house tonight with the Benichous to celebrate Eric's homecoming, but Julien decided he wanted to do a Superbowl party, so we met at his house instead. I made a chocolate cake and blondies and biscuits for the party. Julien cooked a 'Pot au Feu', which is a combination of meat broth with vegetables (carrots, turnips, parsnips, onions) and potatoes boiled separately. He cooked three bones stuffed with marrow, a little meat, and served the vegetables with olive oil and coarse salt. The biscuits were perfect with the soup, and Daphne added a huge salad, which I appreciated the most.

Daphne was entirely disinterested in the football and clearly did not want to watch anything at all. I wanted to watch the commercials because I always hear so much about them, but decided to try to appreciate the game too. I had never watched the Superbowl, so this was my absolute first time. I did not care if the Packers or the Steelers won, and had no affinity for either team, but found myself urging on the losing team, simply because they were always behind. The halftime show was spectacular, with a medley by the Black Eyed Peas, with futuristic costumes and hundreds of neoned dancers. Usher and other singers joined the foursome, and I was astonished at the elaborate otherworldly vision they chose as their theme. I had nothing to compare the show to, but Eric suggested that the half time event at all the Superbowls was similarly impressive. I actually enjoyed the show more than I expected.

Maya spent the morning getting her room organized and decorating with her new Ikea purchases. I hope that she will enjoy her room more and perhaps spend more time sleeping upstairs, but so far that has not happened. She enjoyed her room for the morning, and placed her bed at an angle and set up tripwires all over to catch predators. She lamented that she had not found more furniture and decorative items at Ikea, so we will have to search for more in other places. I would like to suggest to Eric that he simply go to the storage unit, where all sorts of treasures would fill up Maya's space and keep her satisfied. I am not sure he wants to open up the storage unit, perhaps fearful that there is simply too much stuff to go through.

Blue Valentine

The play yesterday was depressing and dark. We woke up to a rainy, cloudy, uninviting day, perfect for a movie after my morning yoga class. Blue Valentine is another depressing and dark picture of a deteriorating marriage. Oops. Not what I needed on a dreary Saturday. But I do love going to the Charles theatre night or day, and the previews are often more interesting than the movie. I am trying to get to all the Oscar nominated movies before the Oscars. It was easy in Quito, where copies of all movies were out once they hit the movie screens. I saw everything while in Ecuador, of course all the movies were in Spanish, but that was fine with me. It is more difficult here in Baltimore, because many of the more obscure and foreign films will not get here unless they do win Oscars.

When I picked Maya up from Peabody (where she had a fairly good day despite her finger being in a splint and in pain), we all drove the interminable trip to Ikea to find furniture for Maya. We have been talking for a time about getting Tara's room to be Maya's, and choosing colours and decorating to Maya's taste. Ikea was entertaining, but Maya found only a few small items. The best part was the restaurant, where we ate dinner for $3.99 each, and then I spent more on food items in the grocery section than we did in the furniture part of the store. Smoked salmon and Swedish meatballs and pancakes will be on the menu at home in the next week.

Eric put the chairs and table together, and Maya reorganized her room, but then she came down to sleep with us, so I am wondering what else I need to do to get her in her room in her own bed.

The Homecoming

I went to see Pinter's play, 'The Homecoming' on my own today. It was dark and disturbing and I was thankful that I did not take Maya with me. She would have been confused and horrified. I was stunned and am still trying to absorb the sensations and feelings the play evoked. Sometimes it seems as if I can never leave the office, that so many plays and movies are a reflection of the pain of the psyche, which I deal with on a daily basis. So much art is born in pain and sorrow, and that was clearly evident in this horrible family tragedy. The actors came out afterward to talk to the audience and answer questions, which gave me some time to reflect on what I saw and to understand better.

While at the theatre, Eric and Maya visited Patient First, to have her finger Xrayed. She was playing 'Capture the Flag' today at school and ran into a wall with her left middle finger. I received a call from the nurse describing the swelling and pain. I was concerned enough to call Eric and have him stop by and check on her. He felt she was fine, but later when I picked her up, she described persistent pain and the finger was clearly swollen. She continued to complain and could not play violin after dinner, so Eric and I decided to check on it immediately. Maya was in tears and fearful that she would be unable to play violin for weeks or months. It seems that she has a sprain and will need a splint for a while, but will be better in days not weeks. Whew! I am not sure how much to push her to play or to practice, but for now I am backing off being a 'Tiger Mother'.

The week flew by, and I had a smattering of patients today, and tried to organize my office. Since I have a computer at home for now and not a laptop (I am hoping still to resuscitate my laptop) I am planning to do all my billing and paperwork at home in my new office, and use my outside office to see patients. I am looking forward to getting rid of the clutter in my office, and leave the 'busy work' out of the office. I am hoping that means less time at the outside office and more time at home. Eric and I now each have our own offices at home. Maya sleeps upstairs, we still have a guest room and the two other bedrooms are the offices. I shopped at Staples for office materials and will devote some of the weekend to my new space.

Tuned to CNN

I have CNN on all the time in the bedroom and AlJazeera on in the computer room, and am watching every moment of what is happening in Egypt. It is amazing that we have such a close view of a revolution.

Home Feels Like Home