I HATE Moving!

Not accomplishing anything

Bad Movie

Moving Day!

Party Time!

In a Better World

Moving

Back on Track

Home

Too Far From Home

Newport Beach is so Lovely

Running out of time

May 19

A whole fee day with hours ahead of me! I got moving early and spent a couple of hours catching up at the office and checking my email and having my coffee and smoothie, my morning indulgence. When I arrived at the beach, early I thought, all the umbrellas were taken and I found a beach chair far at the end without shade. I decided to be happy with what I had, and spent hours in the water, reading my book, spraying myself with sunscreen and trying to decide whether to go surfing or not. The day simply unfolded and before I knew it, the beach boys were removing umbrellas and chairs and the sun was disappearing behind the huge concrete towers. I think that is a problem with the beach; the huge hotels built near the sand hide the sun too early. Of course I had more then enough sun and decided to take a walk along the shore. I watched boogie boarders and surfers and children playing in the water and drank in the the view and the sun and the water and the sand.

I gave in and booked a massage for 8 PM and grabbed a bite before spending time in the steam room and the jacuzzi. I had a massage outside and was distracted by the drone of the air conditioners for the hotel. I was not very focussed on the massage and before I knew it, it was over. I have been spoiled by my friend Deborah, who used to massage me regularly and was so good any other massage is never quite as wonderful as hers. Ah well. It was horrifically expensive and I had to work to simply appreciate the lavender smell and the fact that I do feel very relaxed.

I miss home and my family, but am off to Newport Beach to see my friend Susan, whom I have not seen since the last APA I went to in San Diego three years ago. I took the train up from the conference to spend a day with her and Noel. I look forward to spending time with her, but am just as eager to get home and see Maya perform in her concert and her ballet. I really messed up the timing, but when I tried to change my tickets, the price was too high. I am again simply appreciating the place I am in, which is gorgeous.

I cannot fit everything in my bag to go home. I am afraid it will pop open tomorrow when I travel, it is so very full of stuff, I am not sure what, or perhaps I have not packed it well, it is overflowing. I have more to squeeze in tomorrow, I am not sure how.

May 18

Today was the last day of the conference and I could not decide whether to return for a few hours to the convention center, or to just enjoy the sunshine and relax for the day. Unfortunately my sense of responsibility prevailed and after checking the office number and calling patients (I prefer to get everything done each day rather than leave everything to pile up for me when I return), I pulled myself together for my walk to 'work'. I focused on ADHD and genomics, and after a few hours took a very long walk back, and found my way onto the beach early in the afternoon.

Within minutes of finally finding a place to bask with a gorgeous view of Diamond Head on Waikiki beach, the sky turned dark and it began to rain furiously. I had missed so much sun this week! I found shelter while I called Eric and Maya and caught up on their lives so very far away from this incredible place. I sat under cloudy skies for the rest of the afternoon trying to read my iphone after discovering that my kindle was broken. My third kindle to be broken! I called Amazon for a replacement and then squinted my way through a book I want very much to be over. Somehow reading a few lines on the iphone at a time is just not satisfying. I truly prefer a book and the kindle sort of looks like a book, but the iphone is not quite right. Eric is excited to have bought an iPad for me, which is waiting at home; apparently it works just fine as a kindle too.

I enjoyed Hawaiian dancing and music in the evening, a group of dancers and musicians much more professional than the ones I had seen on the beach. Hula dancing originally was a male pursuit (I did not know that) and only later did women participate. Two men and a women wore lovely costumes and danced with bamboo sticks, rattles, gourds, tea leaf skirts and leis. It was colorful and entertaining and I was engrossed until it was dark. It did rain for part of the show, but no one left, we just sat under the raindrops and appreciated.

I went shopping for a bit, looking for something for Maya. There are amazing shops here, and people spend a lot of time and money at Ralph Lauren and Lanvin and Hermes and Ferragamo and every other designer representative you can think of. I wanted something uniquely Hawaiian and not horribly expensive and found some thing perfect. Eric made me promise not to buy anything for him. He said he would wear a hawaiian shirt, but did not really like them. If I had found something right for him, I would have bought it.

I have one more day to enjoy this gorgeous place. I am not sure I know how to make my last day make up for a week inside.

Time to enjoy Paradise

I had another intense day. Bipolar and Tourettes and Akira Kurosawa's film 'Ikiru' (To Live). I cried all morning and felt numb for the rest of the day. I guess I most enjoy the 'media' section of the conference. I feel a little guilty about getting credit for going to films, but whereas I feel restless at most lectures and seminars, and find it difficult to stay for any length of time, I have no trouble staying at the edge of my seat for the two to two and a half hours of a good movie. I guess I should forget psychiatry and just watch films.

Lorraine Bracco was interviewed about her experience with depression and her treatment with Zoloft. I thought she was amazing as Dr. Melfi on the Sopranos, but I had no idea she had been depressed and in treatment too.

I rushed to get back to my hotel room and change into my bathing suit for the last rays of sun. The beach is in shadow by 5, so I think I got thirty minutes, which is more than enough. I felt lonely and missed my family and resolved to try to get home earlier. I had talked to Maya and Eric earlier in the day and both sounded fine, and clearly doing just fine without me, but I wanted them to be with me on the beach. I took my long beach walk as the sun set, and the further left I walked the more sun I got. My hotel is only a few stories high and is dwarfed by huge skyscrapers all around it, which put it in shadow part of the day.

There was music and dancing at Kuhio Beach, but the singing was shockingly awful, so I found it impossible to stay. I wandered in the opposite direction where the sun was setting, and took my time getting back to my hotel room.

I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to get through to the airline to change my ticket. Unfortunately it turned out that I flew out on United and return on Continental and although the two airlines have merged, trying to change through United is not possible. I stayed on the line for 25 minutes with Continental before I gave up and accepted that it is unlikely that I can return home earlier without paying far too much extra.

I will try to enjoy my time here in paradise for another couple of days and not miss Eric and Maya and Tara too much.

Monday in Paradiso

I never did leave the conference today. I did not plan to stay all day, and I am not sure quite how it happened. Sunshine woke me up and got me moving early. I am doing my best to get as many hours as possible into my day so the I can accumulate as many CME hours as I can. I arrived at the convention center after a visit to Starbucks for a doppio espresso and a smoothie. I chose talks about ADD and bipolar disorder and addictions. I wondered if I was flitting about too much and ought to have stuck to one topic or one theme, but I always feel overwhelmed and confused when I come to this meeting. I am desperate to learn something I do not know, and get impatient when everything sounds familiar.

I decided to stay to listen to Archbishop Desmond Tutu after the regular program ended. He talked about the 'Truth and Reconciliation' process after the end of Apartheid. I found myself in tears and moved and impressed. He kept insisting that humans are essentially good and that forgiveness was the only choice there was. I found myself missing Eric and Maya and Tara and wondering what i was doing so far away from my family and those that I love.

I walked back along Kalakua to my pink hotel and took a detour to the Sheraton Waikiki for an 'Industry Supported Symposium'. In the past these meetings would have daily breakfast, lunch and dinner events sponsored by drug companies, so much so that I never had to buy a meal. New restrictions on what drug companies can and cannot do have limited these meals. I could not find any on the schedule this year except for this one, which was about Schizophrenia, which I do not treat anyway. I wanted to check it out, and was lured in by a yummy meal and an excellent initial lecture by Steve Stahl, who was a professor at San Diego when I attended for a fellowship in 1988. I found myself interested in the entire program and staying all night.

Inside and Out

I am not sure it is a good thing to have a conference in such a beautiful spot. Waking up to gorgeous sunshine and blue sky and wonderful warmth is lovely, and walking early in the morning to the conference center was lovely, but then the rest of the day was spent inside away from all the beauty outside. I wanted to leave all day, but I am also obliged to rack up as many educational hours as possible over the next four days, so that I can maintain my license to practice medicine. I find myself getting interested in the topics I choose, but hours later, as I am walking back to my hotel, I wonder why I am not playing hooky instead.

These conferences used to be wild affairs. Pharmaceutical companies would wine and dine us and entertain us in all sorts of inventive ways, but with new rules limiting the largesse of the drug companies, there are limited events, at least none that I have been invited to. So that we have an opportunity to enjoy the beach a little, the lectures begin at 7 and end early at 3. I was on the beach by 4, and took a long long walk along the shore admiring the surfers and body surfers and volleyball players and families with small children. There was another performance with delightful native women and girls and more traditional chanting as well as more modern singing with guitars and ukelele. It was dark when I found my way back to my hotel.

Maya had a violin recital today. Somehow one of the pianists tripped and stepped on her bow and destroyed it. Maya seemed nonplussed while I am horrified at the $500 loss, but then again it could have been worse, with either Maya or the violin damaged. I ought to be relieved. She was quite happy to have acquired a new fish for her tank, having lost one to her crayfish early on, and the escape and demise of her blue colored crayfish last week. She was to have an eventful week with daily ballet rehearsals, but left her practice a half hour early Saturday to attend her violin masterclass, which upset her ballet teachers, so she may be unable to perform in her ballet event at all. It all seems so complicated for an eleven year old.

Conference Inside

Waking up at 5 AM meant that I slept in, and somehow I managed to laze my way to the convention center to arrive past 8. The sessions start at 6:30 to 7 and end at 3, so to give us a few hours to enjoy the sunshine and the beach. I found a nearby Starbucks for internet and expresso, and walked the mile to the stunning glass walled meeting sight. The sun was shining and with a slight breeze, the mounting temperatures were very comfortable. I think it reached 82 degrees today.

The APA has arranged for buses to travel between hotels every 20 minutes from 6 until 3. The walk was delightful though, although I was confused when my iphone sent me astray. I wonder if the convention center has just been finished and I was sent to the older one.

I am always overwhelmed at these meetings and find it difficult to decide where to go and what to do. I focus on particular patients and challenges and therefore found myself at a series of lectures about dissociative disorder, a presentation of what it is like to be a child of a psychiatrist (turns out that children of psychiatrists are usually just fine---whew!), the psychiatric evaluation of patients who pursue bariatric surgery and most compelling was the presentation of a silent film about Joan of Arc from the 1920's, accompanied by an incredibly beautiful modern score based on lyrics and poems from the middle ages. Apparently a transcription of the trial leading to Joan of Arc's execution was found in the archives in Paris. Listening to Joan talking about hearing voices and having visions, I wondered what a psychiatrist would do today; most likely she would be on antipsychotics.

The mountains around Honolulu were drenched in mist and clouds. It was hotter when I walked back to the hotel. I changed into my bathing suit and found an umbrella on the beach in front of the hotel and watched the surfers on the water and the beach crowd running in and out of the water. Later I walked along the beach checking out the bodysurfers, regular surfers and paddle surfers. I saw a gathering of spectators and sat with the crowd until a group of musicians and dancers arrived to entertain us with folkloric dances and songs. The sun set and torches were lit, and the sinuous moves of the colorfully dressed women and chidden entranced us. The native language was delightful to listen to, and the music felt old fashioned and relaxing. Walking along the beach again to my pink hotel in the dark made for a perfect evening.

Paradise

Paradise is a very long way away. I stayed up late waiting for Eric to arrive home from his twelve hour drive from Mont St Hilaire, where he had spent the week with his electric fish colleagues at a conference. He left the area around midday, and drove all the way home, through Quebec and New York and New Jersey and Delaware to Maryland. He originally planned to arrive by 10, then called to amend his ETA to midnight. That was still a reasonable bedtime for me, so I waited to welcome him home with food and good wishes. I finally gave up at about 1:30 AM. He came home shortly after that, and slept on the floor in the dining room so as not to wake me. My phone rang at 3:30 to tell me my plane was on time, and I did not sleep after that. So with two hours of sleep, I woke up and got ready and hauled Eric out of a deep sleep. We made a bed for Maya in the backseat of the car and drove to the airport in the dark.

I left Eric and Maya with a three page list of instructions for the week that I am away, and I felt sad and lonely to leave the two for so long, especially with Maya's very intense schedule of ballet and violin performances. I do not want to miss her recitals, and would rather she was with me on vacation anyway. I will have to figure out how to simply enjoy my time alone.

I did not have coffee, and threw away most of the smoothie I had ordered, which was a horrible mistake, since I soon developed a coffee headache and United did not provide us with any food.. I was hoping for pretzels at least. The flight to San Francisco was long and painful and I tried to sleep and rest, but was not successful in my efforts. I felt better after an espresso and a muffin, but should have stocked up on more food. Several people pulled out wonderful meals they had brought onto the airplane, and I envied them their full stomachs and their foresight.

Thirteen hours later we landed in paradise. It was hot and humid and the clouds were low and the mountains covered in mist. I found a shuttle bus and joined the tourists on their way to the city. The traffic was intense. My hotel is a lovely old pink stucco anomaly amongst the high-rises abutting the ocean. My room is simple but comfortable and shockingly expensive. I was exhausted, but after unpacking and showering, I pushed myself to take a walk along the beach. I realized that I had no sunscreen, so I tried not to sit in the sand too long. I watched the surfers and the sailboats and appreciated the warmth. I hardly recognize Waikiki after 40 years, it is so built up. I walked through the endless shops and kiosks nearby. Tourists from all over the world were shopping shopping shopping. Groups of musicians were playing Hawaiian music at every corner. I found myself back on the beach to watch the sunset while I picnicked for dinner. The surfers were still out on the water, and it was warm enough to play in the water.

I am back in my hotel room ready for bed after almost 24 hours awake. I am so very far away from home.

Packing for Hawaii

Ambassador

New Office

Mother's Day

THe Cazbah and the Maryland Film Festival

Housework

So Tired

24 Hours in Transit

May Day

M

May Day

Schloss Nymphenburg April 30

I am suddenly rushed and trying to decide what to do in the last couple of days in Munich. The city is full of possibilities and the lovely spring weather encourages us to stay outside in the sunshine. I was up too early and decided to take the Ubahn to Schloss Nymphenburg after breakfast. Karen had at first decided to stay behind, but suddenly she was rushing out of the Pension to join Maya and I. Eric was to remain inside all day and finish preparing for his lecture and Friedrich was not up to the walking and wandering that the day promised. The subway system is so incredibly well organized. We caught a train to Sendlinger Tor and switched to another, alit at Gern and walked along a canal full of ducks and geese and swans (they love their waterfowl) to the palace, which was the summer residence for the rulers of Bavaria.

It felt like a mini Versailles, but more relaxed and intimate. The main palace was baroque and rococo style, but with a relaxed feel in the rooms, reflecting the holiday purpose of the place. Ludwig the First loved good looking women and had all his favorite women painted and hung side by side. He had a scandalous affair with a courtesan and she, along with his wife were part of his collection of beautiful women.

We did not spend too much time in the main palace, which was not extensive, but enjoyed the gardens and the fountains and the pavilions that dotted the grounds. There was a small palace for the king's wife, another pavilion for the king to rest with a large swimming pool and delightful rooms covered in Chinese style wallpaper and wall paintings, a church designed to look like a grotto or a hermitage, greenhouses and a nearby botanical garden,a museum with all the grand carriages of the kings and photos of all the favorite horses (like the beautiful women). It took the better part of the day to wander the grounds, to try desserts at a nearby bakery (Maya loved the 'spitzbuben', while Karen chose the poppyseed cake), energize on coffee, eat lunch outside in the sunshine, to visit all the palaces. Karen had to meet Friedrich and some friends at the Chinesiches Turm in the Englisher Garten, so Maya and I took a little more time to get back to the hotel.

Eric felt he had accomplished enough, so he monitored Maya while she practiced her violin. I wandered around a bit more. The Englisher Garten was full of soccer fans in red jerseys. There was a game at 6:30 at the stadium, and revelers were drinking and celebrating before the game. An 'Umpah band' was playing, and fans were loud and joyous. Later when Maya and Eric joined me the fans were off to the stadium (their team did in fact win) and it was quieter except for the band and groups of drinkers celebrating some more.

We met at a Syrian restaurant and had wonderful Middle Eastern food. Karen tried to engage the owner in discussion about what was happening in Syria, but he did not participate and seemed reticent and perhaps far removed from his home after living in Munich for ten years. He cooked everything from scratch and fresh and it was absolutely marvelous. Karen had brought Maya here after the ballet the night before and Maya was super enthused and insistent that we return to the same restaurant for the evening. It was a remarkably good meal and much appreciated.

We will meet with family tomorrow. I have not seen these people for over thirty years and at this point am wondering why I am making contact at all, but I am also interested in how they are doing. We will take the subway to meet them at 11:30.

May Day, The First of May

We had a remarkable family day.