Pilates, Yoga, Ballet

Wednesday is a busy work day, but the day starts with a pilates class at Goucher college near my office, and ends with a ballet class downtown at Peabody, and today I had a cancelation at 5, so I was able to add a yoga class as well, which made the day quite perfect. I have always exercised regularly, but since my recent neck reinjury, I have modified my regime, no longer lifting weights or running. Instead, I am addicted to almost daily yoga, pilates two or three times a week, and ballet every Wednesday after Maya's class. I get to watch Maya and her friends being graceful and gorgeous, and then a group of middle-aged women in all shapes and sizes takes over. Tim, the teacher for both Maya's and my class, simply tolerates us. He focusses his energy on the young and impressionable in our group, and stays away from me. I believe I am past all hope in that class, but I keep going. I close my eyes in the early part, feeling the movements more intensely that way. I am sure he disapproves, but I don't pay him too much attention. I am not sure why I like the class, but I like the clarity and the discipline.

I realize that I am excessive about exercise. I actually practice what I preach to my patients; I spend at least an hour a day exercising, and feel out of sorts when I do not. Despite all the activity, I remain heavier than I want to be. Eric tells me that no amount of exercise will change my size, but I am not ready to starve myself. At least I remain healthy.

Between stretching and breathing, I had a steady stream of patients, and took care of several piles on my desk. I am not terribly busy at work but I make little effort to change that. I am not sure I want to be busier, but I get nervous when my bank account isn't as robust as I like it. I keep thinking about retirement and what I want to do with my life. I am not sure I expected to work steadily for 30 years! I feel lucky that I enjoy my patients and the profession, but there is so much more that I want to accomplish. It is amazing to me that my sisters and my mother had not worked steadily in their adult lives, that they have depended entirely on their husbands for income. I feel that I am 30 years behind!!!! Eight to ten hours daily have been devoted to patients and their problems. What would I have done with those hours if I had not been in the office? There are so many books I wish to read, places to see, hobbies to explore, so much of life that I have missed by being devoted to my practice. I wonder if it is simply time to retire and open new possibilities in my life. But that is not going to happen, since I support a husband and child, and I have nothing to live on if I am not working.