Rejection Day

There are all sorts of reasons why patients choose to leave a psychiatrist. They may move, or change their hours and want to see someone closer to home or later in the evening, or they may simply not connect with me. Nevertheless, it still feels like a rejection when they announce their departure. I called several patients about missed appointments, and later learned that one had chosen another psychiatrist (I never connected with the mother of the adolescent), and the other had started another job and chose a doctor who could see him late in the evening. I felt sad and rejected, and had too many hours in the day to contemplate the rejection.

My morning was eclipsed by a doctor's appointment, where I received bad news and had to arrange for further appointments and surgery in a few weeks. I called Eric and his reaction was to get a second opinion, which feels like so much work and effort. I was 'off' for the rest of the day, had a light schedule including a lunch with Deb and Barbara at 7 West down the street, and several missed and canceled appointments. My office gets very clean and organized after days like today, which is not all bad. I threw myself into a 90 minute yoga class for the evening, which felt wonderful. I did not realize until I got to my car that my mascara had smeared down my cheeks and I looked frightful. How embarrassing!

I picked Maya up from her ballet class and Eric had dinner ready for us when we arrived home. Maya is struggling at night with all sorts of terrors and is unable to sleep in her room upstairs and joined us in our big bed for the night. I watched the rest of 'Never Let Me Go', which saddened me even more. By bedtime, I felt entirely defeated, and could not sleep. Eric and I stayed up past 1 in the morning doing the New York Times crossword puzzle for entertainment. I am not sure why that soothes me, but it works. Eric and I are squeezed onto one half of the bed, with Maya spread out comfortably on the other half. Lots of togetherness int eh Richter-Fortune household tonight.