I Like My Job

The office is back in full swing, which means patients one after the other without a break from 9 to 5 or 6. And of course I am way behind on paperwork and overwhelmed with phonecalls and demands and insurance roadblocks. On the other hand, I enjoy seeing my patients and reconnecting and hearing about their trials and tribulations over the past year. I fit this role and I like it and even though I regularly wish I was back in Ecuador, where there was less stress and more time and more energy for Maya and Eric and my life, I feel I am adjusting and recovering and accepting that this is the life that I have and I have no choice but to live it.

Eric is having a harder time, he seems sad and burdened and we are not getting along. I do my thing and he does his. He would rather be in Ecuador, working in the forest and doing his science, not dealing with all the bureaucracy and the endless list of tasks before him. I decided to trust him to take care of things last year, and so many choices he made then are hurting us now. The renters not paying their rent, not taking care of the house, water in the basement, the roof not getting fixed, the list is endless. I do not want to move into the house until the roof and the basement is taken care of, and the walls are painted and the house is liveable, but we live in it anyway, with two beds and a table and chairs and nothing else. After a year in Ecuador living so simply, I am perfectly content. But it is difficult to do much in the house when it is in such bad shape. Eric is not bothered by the smell of mold everywhere and does not believe it is a problem. I hope it is not damaging us, but I have nowhere else to go.

So I focus on work, Maya is busy with school and friends and violin and soccer and dance. She is a little irritable this week, perhaps stressed by a new school and new children and a new schedule. We met after work to discuss new violins with two teachers from Peabody and decided on a bow and a violin, so there is one less stress in my life. I wish I knew how to feel relaxed and content as I did last year and bring that into this life of stress and confusion.